if all she could say__________

" If i could say what i wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you...away, be with you every night , Am i squeezing you too tight...."
and the song continued on her I-Pod, as She pondered over some thoughts that have preoccupied her sub conscious mind from quite a lot of time. Getting up in the morning, having tea, working or doing whatever, the thoughts just popped in without any timing and yes, they did bother her!She was simple. No convolutions. At 21 she had a so called the "perfect" life. If only one could see at the other side of the coin. A depresses lonely young girl, who has everything, one could dream of, but alas, something which she never shared with anyone....her Lonliness........
Loneliness.........a choice? she questioned. But just then silence from the subconscious spoke she's my daughter do not send her away. Away from her mother, and even then if u wish, discard me too for we are a family and you know that well. She then pondered, contemplated her present and her simultaneous past yet no grip of anything.
From the fist, slipping within those lines alike the sand they flew away.Leaving behind a pair of blinded eyes staring at a blank wall.The wind there intervened, "I am with you,within ur very soul. This your own wall. Begin the way you desire. red blue black green they r all in ur being. A messenger of silence they are."
Splash them out for the good of the self and i shall dry them for to begin your painting again.
Yes! Paint!
The long forgotten avocation. She wanted it. A break from her diurnal life.
Enthusiasm, happiness and smile, they came together. She was smiling, years after that episode that has made her this way. The incident that made her leave everything she desired and lead a life that was filled with isolation. The life that made her like the bud that will never bloom.
Maybe this can make her efflorescent to the world. Maybe...
Maybe she was never meant to bloom? Was she? No one had any clue or was it a stagnation for a while.She knew the destined, within somewhere yet she tried.Suceeded less failed more but the hope was optimistic too............that, now and then kept knocking her door.To keep her alive, sway with the wind, shine in the light and tan with the sun.
Soon shall be the time, the departure of isolation- an arrival of joy.A fruitful optimism will paint her walls, an energy to pervade the air and a smile to welcome them all.
But what would she paint?
A flower...the answer was no
A scenery...the answer was again no....
then a voice said...."hold the brush, lets you what your mind and hand can do, with no guidelines. Let them do what they want to do....let them create somthing which has never met your eyes!
squeezing the tube, the color red into her palate, and dipping the brush into it, the brush strokked the white wall. Spots of indigo and green following the pattern. A sense of satisfaction crept in. She was follwing her gut. The exercise stared to sooth her mind. though the subconcious still trying hard to peep in and destroy it all.
She wanted to scream, wanted to take it out eveything. She coudnt take it anymore. But the lessons of life restricted her. She wanted to open up, but to whom? She coudnt continue any longer, and this wall again, was left like others.....broken!
Following which was a deep slumber with no dreams!

(a joint venture this one was.This has writings from two different people me and my sister nidhi. Thanks for this beautiful and weird journey)